So, in case you wondered why the sudden shift to a private blog, here is the reason. There are lots of people out there in the "heart" community who read blogs about other kids out there born with congenital heart defects. They stop by and check in on me every once in a while and offer support. In the beginning it was great. Now I feel the need to close them off from our family blog and make this the spot where I can write what I feel without worrying about who is reading.
So that's it. I am totally fine with all kinds of people checking in on us, but in the coming months I only want support and love. If you hear of people who want an invite, just e-mail me and I will add them to the list.
Now, for the plans. We have some plans for Sam. I have a c-section date scheduled for 9/9/09. I am really excited to meet him and feel of his special spirit. I am delivering in Logan where I am close to home, I love my Doctor, I like the new wing of the hospital, and I know Sam will be safe.
Mike and I have prayed every day that we would know the will of the Lord concerning Sam. We feel like our prayers have been answered. Sam needs a body, then he can return home. It is heartbreaking to know that we won't have our little boy with us on this earth. We do have faith that we will for eternity, but I still mourn for the long mortal years ahead for us without him.
Mike wrote some beautiful words to me in a letter I got while I was at girl's camp, "let's love him a lifetime for the few days we have him."
This boy is going to know only love. He is going to be spoiled like no other newborn has been spoiled. At our last visit with the Cardiologist at Primary's, he spent extra time looking at the blood flow in Sam's heart. He gave us what I consider great news. He said we will most likely have more time with Sam than I had hoped. He said we would probably be able to bring him home from the hospital. I have clung to that. That has been my prayer is that I would have enough time with him. Now, my new vision of hope is to come home and lay Sam on a blanket on the grass and let him look out at the blue sky and feel the sun on his face.
So...that's the plan. I'll try to be really good about posting things here so you know what is going on. I think I just felt I was at a road block before I went private. I'll be better now.
Another FYI...I keep getting clean bills of health from Dr. Strebel. This is the longest I have ever been pregnant without being on bed rest. It is also the longest I have ever been pregnant. So, I have been taking advantage of it. Today I cleaned the bathrooms (yeah, wish I could pull the bed rest card on that little chore) and right now I am baking loaf after loaf of zucchini bread with the huge zucchinis the neighbor keeps bringing me. I feel like there is an overwhelming list of things to do before the 9th, so this is a total blessing that I have been able to resume life as usual.
So, life is good. The Lord continues to bless us and bring us comfort. I'm very grateful for that.
