Stretching...

How much can a heart stretch?

When I had Jake, I had never known such love.  I knew that I loved people, but my love for Jake was unlike any love I had ever felt. 
I knew it was irrational, but when I got pregnant again, I wondered how I could ever divide my love with another baby.
Allie came and I didn't have to divide that love.  My heart just stretched until I loved her just as much, and my love was unique for both of them.
Then came Sam.  My heart stretched even more.  Once again, I was shown that there are different kinds of love.  I also became so aware that with so much love, there was the possibility of joy and pain.  My heart broke when Sam went to heaven, and he took a piece of it with him.  But, my heart had grown so much that although I feel the loss often, that broken piece is small in comparrison.
Nate came along and my heart grew again.  He has reminded me that God is good.  He has made me smile every day. 
I love these kids.  They love me.  Their love is unconditional and pure.  I am so lucky to have them.  Each one of them makes me a better person in so many ways.
So, what's the point of this post?  Like I said, when I was pregnant with Allie, I worried that I wouldn't be able to love anyone as much as I loved Jake.  She showed me that it was possible and I have never worried again.  It's a good thing too because this fall, my heart is going to stretch even bigger...so is my belly.  I'm a lucky girl.

Conversation at the dinner table

Jake was crying.  He said it had been a bad day.  I suspected it was just a meltdown from not wanting to eat the dinner that was in front of him.  I was "consoling" him in a bit of a sarcastic way.  Sarcastic isn't really the word.  I was saying nice things in an extra sing song voice so that I didn't lose my temper and send him to his room for the rest of the night. 
After a few minutes, Allie said:
"You know Jake, mom only really cares if you are crying because you are really hurt.  You know...she will come and feel bad for you if you're hurt.  That's when she cares.  She won't care about this."
She hit the nail on the head.  I thought it was so funny that at such a young age, she knows that.  She knows that I am quick to help any child that is hurt.  I am quick to hug and care and feel awful to know that my babe is hurt.  On the other hand, I don't have much sympathy for fake crying or times when they cry for things I deem unnecessary.  Call me heartless, but I think that strategy has helped us all avoid a lot of drama.  It just made me laugh that Allie knows :).

Control

It's hard to relinquish control of the spoon.  I guess it's gotta happen one of these days...

Hairdo by Allie

Allie loves to do my hair.  It's quite painful sometimes. 

Last time, she said "Mom!  You look good!  If it hurts, it kinda makes it look good in the end.  So you just have to wait till the end.  It will be worth it."

Was it worth it, you ask?  Yes :)

Dying eggs

We colored lots of eggs.  I've been enjoying lots of egg salad sandwiches :)

 Nate thought they looked tasty.

Cute Sunday kiddos

We parked at a park for a while

When we got kicked out of the hotel, we crashed at a park for a few hours while Mike worked.  It was a pretty cool park with a river running through it and lots of ducks.  The kids played in the sand and weren't ever ready to leave.

 Nate tasted everything.  Including bird poop.  Yummy.

I tried to spare his sunburned face with this cute hat.  That didn't last long...

I think we watched these birds for at least a half hour.  There were so many!  We all loved watching them dunk in the water and splash the other birds. 

Not a bad place to spend a few hours.

Other spring break fun

After the zoo, we went to stay in a hotel in Salt Lake.  Mike had to work for a few days, so we tagged along.  Our hotel was pretty cool.  It had a huge indoor pool with a water slide that looped around the building and back into the indoor pool.  Jake and Allie thought that was pretty cool.  Nate loved the area that was 1 foot deep.  You don't realize how often a kid falls down until his head is under water each time he falls.  It happened pretty often with Nate.  He didn't seem to mind.
The kids swam until they were wrinkly.  Then went to bed and did it again in the morning.  We had a blast.

Allie...nose plugged and everything.

 I think Nate went down this slide at least 25 times.  He loved it!

Zoo

We were totally bored with a quiet neighborhood during spring break.  We cleaned a bit, but then it was time to play.  We took the kids to the zoo.  It was a busy day down there, but I think we all came away from it happy.  It was really fun.  We met up with the other Schwab cousins of the valley and let the kids run.
Allie loved seeing the elephants and giraffes.  She was also unafraid of the snakes...
Nate loved the monkeys. Who wouldn't love the monkeys?
Jake liked seeing everything.

 Allie had her eye on this zebra as we waited in line.  She made a beeline for it and settled herself in for the ride. 
Jake and Kyle found beasts to ride and then pretended to shoot each other for the rest of the turning round and round. 

 I loved standing back and watching these kids discover things.  It was really nice to have them a bit older, so that even though we were in a huge crowd, I didn't have to keep hold of their hands.  They could roam a bit, but they always stuck close by.  I guess it's just really nice in comparison to my friend Nate :)

We had a great time at the zoo.  Perfect weather (should have had sunscreen though.  Nate's poor nose and cheeks might never be the same.).  The kids were great.  It was a fun memory for all of us.

Hand me downs

I have been really lucky in that all of Jake's clothes have fit Nate.  Even though Jake was 3 months older during the same season, things have worked out because Jake was so small and Nate is just not small. 
I was really excited to pull this sweater out. 

This is Jake in October 2005 when he was 10 months old.

And here is Nate on his first birthday.  You can see remnants of the nose scab that made me postpone his 1 year old picture appointment for a week.  These are obviously pre- hair cut too.  A little scroungy, but still so cute!



On a side note, Nate was never able to put the shoes on that Jake is wearing in the picture.  By the time I was trying shoes on Nate's fat feet, we had to go to size 6.  I think the shoes Jake had on were a 2 or 3 :)

Conversation in the car...

Allie:  Well Lily, that's where Grandpa Fly is burried!

Lily...??? silence ???

We were driving past the cemetery on the way home from preschool.  I realized that Allie was thinking of Grandpa "Bugs".  That's what they call Lily's grandpa.  She has always struggled to figure out and remember that name.  It cracks me up.

A Pose

I walked by Jake's door tonight and saw him sitting straight up in his bed with a funny look on his face.  I asked him what was up and he said, "I can't get a good pose".
Me:  A good pose?
Jake: Yeah, a good pose.  You know where you can sleep and read all comfy.
Me: Oh...
Jake:  I had a really good one last night and tonight I can't remember how it was.  I think my pillow was like this...so it was easy to turn pages.

He proceeded to get into his pose...all the while explaining why one pose is better than the next.  I thought it was pretty cute. 
I remember wanting to get comfy in my bed with a book.  My "pose" was on my belly with the book out in front of me.  The pillow had to be just the right fluffy to firm ratio and in just the right spot.  I can understand his need to get settled. 
He finally did, and I told him I'd take a picture so if he forgot he could look at it and remember what pillow went where. 
He is so cute.

Conversation at the breakfast table

It was Easter Sunday.  The kids were confused when I told them that it was Easter.  We had an Easter egg hunt the day before, so they thought that was Easter.  Then when I tried to explain that we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ on Sunday, and we have fun egg hunts on Saturday, they started to get it a little more.  I was bearing my testimony of the resurrection and telling the kids how grateful I was that our Savior had overcome death.  Allie had a thoughtful look on her face and I could tell that things were sinking in for her.  She started to talk and I thought I was about to hear something profound about how she was grateful for Easter and was excited to see Sam again, so I was patient as she stumbled upon her words trying to verbalize what she was feeling. 
Finally she said "I get it mom!  I know why we are so thankful for Easter.  It's because when little kids find Easter eggs, it makes them so happy.  And when we are happy, Jesus is happy."
Oh, where have I gone wrong?

Easter

I have said before that I love Easter.  I grew up knowing that we celebrated Easter for the miracle of the resurrection, but it didn't mean as much to me as it does now.  When my dad died, Easter became the day that was proof that I would be able to see him again.  Jesus Christ rose from the dead and made it possible for all of us to live again. 
I remember crying as I picked out Sam's blessing/burial outfit with my mom.  I couldn't stand the thought of my sweet little baby's body in the cold ground.  It is an awful thing to bury someone you love.  I found comfort in knowing that the body is only a shell to house the beautiful spirits that we were given by our Father in Heaven, and those spirits live on.  I found comfort in knowing that Sam's body would be sharing my dad's grave.  I know it sounds silly because neither one of them are here anyway, but I still like it. 
I love this world that we live in.  I love the opportunity that I have had to have a strong and healthy body.  I love that I have been given the chance to be a mother.  This body made that possible.  I love that.  I know that I have a strong spirit.  I am a Child of God.  I know that one day this body will give out and my spirit will separate from it.  I also know that one day, I will be reunited with my body again.  This body that has brought be so much joy will be reunited with my spirit.  I will be whole again.  My Savior Jesus Christ has made that possible.  He made it possible for all of us.  Regardless of how we live this life. 
Sam will have his body back.  Whole and perfect.  I will see my dad, grandparents, and all that have gone before me again.  We will all be perfect.  So for that, I celebrate Easter.  I celebrate the miracle that Jesus Christ lives. 

President Thomas S. Monson bore testimony of the living Savior when he said, “With all my heart and the fervency of my soul, I lift up my voice in testimony as a special witness and declare that God does live. Jesus is His Son, the Only Begotten of the Father in the flesh. He is our Redeemer; He is our Mediator with the Father. He it was who died on the cross to atone for our sins. He became the first fruits of the Resurrection. Because He died, all shall live again. ‘Oh, sweet the joy this sentence gives: “I know that my Redeemer lives!” ’ May the whole world know it and live by that knowledge.”

Jake's school journal entries

All through the month of February, Jake told me that I was going to love his journal.  He reported that he was spending extra time on it and writing whole pages.  I think he has always struggled with journal time because it is hard for him to come up with ideas of what to write on his own.  When he is prompted on what to write about, he does pretty well.  But he is supposed to come up with all his own ideas. 
When he was able to bring home his journal, I smiled through every page.  I loved it.  These are a few of my favorites...



What I like about books is you can find information about cool stuff like the Titanic that people thought would never sink but it sunk and thousands of people died and there were not that much life boats and Mount Vesuvius a volcano that they [thought] wouldn't explode but it did.




What it would look like if I was a cheetah.  I could run really fast to catch my prey like deer gazelle and baboons and any other kind of meat and my babies would be born live and they would be called cubs and they would jump and play.




His cheetah

  I love the "live birth" fact.  You can tell he spent some serious time watching Planet Earth when he was younger :)


What it would look like if I was a puppy is I would have 5-7 puppies in a litter and I would have 42 adult teeth and I would wag my tail when I am happy and when I would be a baby I wouldn't be able to see well for a month and I would have lots of energy.

  Shows how much I know...I don't even know if the tooth fact is true.



What it would look like if I was a cat is I would have lots of fur that would feel like snow and I would purr when I am snuggling someone and I would hiss if I was mad and if I was on a thin platform, I would use my tail to balance.




What it would look like if I was a fish is I would have gills that means that I would suck in water and take all of oxygen out of the water and that's how I would breathe but that's not all I could swim really fast and the kind of fish I would want to be is a trout.

  A trout eh?


The things that are useful to me are my school my class by friends my family my home.  Chapter 2. The things that are important to my Dad are the xbox the computer and the printer.

 I laughed about that one because I didn't want to be the only one not shown in the most favorable light to Jake's teacher. 

Jake was right to think I would enjoy reading his journal this month.  There were several descriptions of animals and I loved to see the way his brain works to sound out the spelling on things.  Some of my favorites : would "wood", giraffe "jeraf", African Plain "aferkin pleane", stripes "sterips".
It also cracked me up when he used the word "splendid" (spelled correctly) when he described his school principal.