A Manger Filled With Love

I have half done projects waiting for me to finish and the hours are ticking away until Christmas morning, but I wanted to write out this post before the Christmas season is over.
I am still in the young women program and on Sunday we sang a beautiful song in Sacrament meeting. It's called "A Manger Filled With Love". Music has always touched my soul, and I have rarely been able to watch those beautiful young women in my ward sing without crying my eyes out. This song was no exception. We practiced for over a month before Sunday, and I never made it past the first verse without crying. I begged to be excused from singing it in Church, but in the end, I stood up there front and center and cried my eyes out for the whole ward to see. So, the point of this post...I wanted to bear my testimony of Jesus Christ this Christmas season.
First, the song...

The shadows fell o'er Bethlehem, and o'er the waiting world,

And darkness gathered 'round the shepherds biding in the fields.

When in a moment song and splendor rent the skies above,

And the night was filled with wonders and a manger was filled with love.

Ah, that I had seen the Shepherds come to seek the Lamb,

And looked with them on Jesus' face and touched the infant hands,

And felt with them the Father's peace descending from above,

When their hears were filled with wonder at a manger filled with love.

I need not see the Holy Child to know him for my King,

I need not hear the voice of heaven's host re-echoing,

For I have heard the Spirit's witness whispered from above,

And my heart is filled with wonder at a manger filled with love.

A voice as pu6re as angel song has spoken from above,

And my heart is filled with wonder at a manger filled with love.

I can't even type the words without crying. You can see why I was doomed from the start.
So, why am I telling you all this?
I have written before that I prayed to know Sam's spiritual gift. The gift that he was born with and able to share with us here on this earth. I believe that Sam was born to testify of Christ and to bring souls unto Christ. When I hear this song (and even when I type) I am reminded of his sweet unspoken testimony. This song speaks to my soul because it's like it is bearing my testimony for me. I need not see the Holy Child to know him for my King. For I have heard the Spirit's witness whispered from above. I held a sweet baby in my arms who testified of the love of Christ. A voice as pure as angel song has spoken from above, and my heart is filled with love. I have felt the Father's peace descending from above. How can I deny it? How can I not share this with others?
I was embarrassed that the whole ward witnessed an emotional me. I worried that they would all think I was crying because I had an empty manger or something like that. I worry so much that people will think that I'm not doing "fine" because they see me with the tears. But now I have decided that I am proud of the tears. I am going to own the emotion. Sam changed me. Even though I wasn't crying because my baby died, I was crying because my baby came and bore witness of our older brother Jesus Christ. I had a testimony of Christ before. I was thankful for the atonement and thankful that he made it possible for us to return to Heaven. But now my heart is so full with love for Him, so full with love for Mary, and our Heavenly Father.
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life” (John 3:16)
I feel like I owe it to Sam to bear testimony of Christ. So, there it is. I know that the baby born in the manger, all those years ago, grew to be a man. He grew to be a man who would take all of our sins, and pain upon Him. He was a true servant to our Father in Heaven, and he made it possible to return to Him. He knows my heart. I am thankful for Him.

The Party

I have never had a "friend" party for my kids. I have the hardest time knowing where to draw the line on invites...so I just never had one. This year, things weren't really crazy yet (December birthday babies get ripped off sometimes because it is such a busy month) so we decided to have a party at the last minute.
Jake is really into earth science, and he really likes a volcano movie that we have checked out from the library. So, I centered the party around that. We colored dinosaurs and read dinosaur books. Then we had a volcano explosion that turned out to be a dud (my baking soda and vinegar all just leaked out the bottom rather than up the funnel). But what I thought was the coolest part was the cake. My friend Nat gave me the idea to use dry ice in a can to make it smoke. It was a total hit.



So, as far as parties go, this was a really fun one. Jake had a great time playing with his friends, and I had fun planning it.

An updated Sam blog...

I have often wanted to write about my feelings concerning Sam, but I hesitate to do it here. I know there isn't really a good reason, but I do. So I decided to update my "I am Sam" blog. You can link to it from the side of this blog. That way, if you want to hear about all things Sam, you can go there.

The boy is 5!

My kids have changed my life forever.

Jake came to us 5 years ago.

It's amazing how much my life has changed since then. It's amazing how much I have grown in so many ways. I thank my Jake, Allie and Sam for that.

I was thinking tonight about the person I was 5 years ago. When we brought Jake home from the hospital I started losing sleep at night worrying that I would wake up and find that he had died in the night. I walked into his room a dozen times a night and felt his chest to see if he was still breathing. I remember hearing a talk about having faith...that fear and faith cannot exist together. I knew that I was going to have to let that fear go. I knew that I had to have faith that even if the worst happened, I could put myself in God's hands and we would all be okay. I made a decision that I would trust in God. I have really grown since then.

We recently had the primary program in our ward and I heard the words to the song they have been practicing all year. I'm going to include the words here in case you haven't heard the song.

The Family is of God.

Our Father has a family. It’s me! It’s you, all the others too: we are His children.

He sent each one of us to Earth, through birth to live and learn here in families.

God gave us families

To help us become what He wants us to be.

This is how He shares His love,

For the family is of God.

A father’s place is to preside, provide, to love and teach the gospel to his children.

A father leads in family prayer, to share their love for Father in Heaven.

God gave us families

To help us become what He wants us to be.

This is how He shares His love,

For the family is of God.

A mother’s purpose is to care, prepare, to nurture and to strengthen all her children.

She teaches children to obey, to pray, to love, and serve in the family.

God gave us families

To help us become what He wants us to be.

This is how He shares His love,

For the family is of God.

I’ll love and serve my family, and be a good example to each family member.

And when I am a Mom or Dad, so glad, I’ll help my family remember.

God gave us families

To help us become what He wants us to be.

This is how He shares His love,

For the family is of God.

I sat and listened to those words and let the tears roll down my face. I grew up with an amazing family and I love them. So as I listened to the words of that song, I knew that God gave me my family. I knew that He gave me Mike. He loaned me his precious children Jake, Allie, and Sam. I have a responsibility to be their Mom here on this earth. I feel like that responsibility is enormous. My job is to care, to nurture, and to prepare them to be how He wants them to be. He let me have these kids to show me that He loves me, and to help me become what He wants me to be.

Anyway, this is not turning out to be about Jake...and it should be because it started out that way, but I wanted to share some of the feelings I have been having lately. I am so glad that Jake is mine. He is a good boy and he is learning how to make his way in this life. I hope I can continue to let faith guide my way. I hope that I can help him learn and grow. I hope that he will always know that I love him and that I feel blessed to have a child of God in our home.