Christmas

We had a great Christmas.  The kids were spoiled rotten.  They were totally happy about it all though too.

 Jason got a cute rocking horse and some diapers.  He's easy to please.

Nate was by far the most fun to watch.  He has so much excitement for everything.  Each gift was "so awesome!"  He must have said "thanks" a few dozen times too.  Super cute.  His favorite was a Dusty Crophopper remote control car.

 Allie got a doll.  Santa explained that he couldn't get her a real American Girl doll, but hoped she would be happy with Emma.  She was very happy with it.  She also got a new Ripstick because hers got backed over by a car.

Jake got lots of Lego's and some video games.  He is always very easy to please as well.
It's hard not to spoil these kids when they are so grateful for what they get and happy for each other.  It was a good Christmas.

Christmas Eve

We went to Grandma Bonnie's for Christmas Eve dinner.  The cousins acted out the Nativity for us.  Jason was a star (see the gold bow on his head?)  Jake was a shepherd, Allie was Mary, and Nate was Lightning McQueen's driver.  What?  Haven't you heard of that in the Bible?

Kyle was Joseph, and Blake and Dallin were Wise Men (I think).  

 We got home and set out our stockings.

 Allie put up Sam's stocking.

We set out some fudge for Santa and Allie put out the reindeer food that she made at school.  The kids went to bed earlier than usual and didn't give us any grief about it.  That's always nice.  It was a really nice day.  Last year was totally chaos with Jason being so small.  It was nice to have it a little less stressful this year.  The next day was even better!

Conversation in the car...

We were driving down the canyon on a fresh snow day.  I saw some grandkids of a favorite widow lady in the ward, and they were shoveling the snow off her walk.  It made me happy that she has people to take care of her.
Nate was in the back seat, and here is our conversation.

Me:  Nate, when I get old, will you come take care of me?

Nate: What?

Me:  Will you come take care of me and shovel off my driveway when I get old?

Nate: What?

Me:  Just say "yes" Nate.  Say "yes".

Nate:  No!  I not say "yes".  I say "no!"

Me:  I guess it's a good thing I've got a few more kids that might help then.

Nate:  What?

Sneak Thief

"No mom!  I not have a sucker!"

 He thinks if his eyes are closed, I can't see him.

Morning Milk

Jace Face

Sometimes I call Jason "Jace Face" and Nate has picked up on it too.  We call him that when we are going in to get him when he wakes up from a nap.  Nate says "Oh hello Jace Face!  Have a good snooze?"

Anyway, Jason has been a bit of a grumpy face for a while now.  He wakes up in the night and screams for hours.  It is getting better, but for a while, I couldn't do anything to comfort him.  I finally started putting him in the car and driving around until he fell asleep again.  Spending Thanksgiving at my mom's house was a bit of a joke.  I didn't want to wake anyone with his screaming, so I took him out in the car and we spent 5 hours in there.  I could have driven to St. George!  

To be fair, I didn't drive constantly.  I'd park any time he quit screaming and try to sleep with my head on the steering wheel...only to be jolted awake when he started to scream again.  Like I said, it was a joke.

After Thanksgiving, I decided to take him to the doctor to see if we could get to the bottom of things.  I suspected a food allergy.  This all started when he started eating solid foods and then got worse when he quit nursing or drinking formula.  He has an angry red rash around his mouth that is always there and flares up often.  He has lost weight in the 2 months since his last appointment, and there are a few other things that made me suspect the allergies (poop!).  So we went to the doctor and they took huge vials of blood from the poor boy.  He didn't even seem to mind.  He just smiled away at the nurse.

The lab tests all came back negative.  Of the things that they tested for, he doesn't have any allergies.  I was grateful, but at the same time, baffled.  Then the doctor called me and told me that the negative result only means that he's not going to go into anaphylactic shock if he eats one of those things.  He could still have an intolerance of some sort.  So we are back at the drawing board to figure out what's wrong with the poor boy.  We ran out of the cereal bar that I was giving him every day around Thanksgiving, so he went a while without one.  Last week, after eating one, we had a really rough day and night.  So I think I have narrowed it down to some ingredient in that cereal bar.  Soy? Corn syrup?  Red dye?
His night time craziness is getting better, and it's amazing how much more I can handle when I have had sleep.  I sure do love the boy and I want him to be happy.  So we'll figure it out.  I think I've polled anyone and everyone around me for suggestions on what to do with the kid.  What it boils down to is laziness.  I know that I should cut everything but fruits, veggies, and meat out of his diet and then work foods in from there, but he's a picky eater and the menu will take more planning (and shopping) than I have had energy to plan with the holidays.  So, I just haven't started all that yet.  Especially since he seems to be doing better lately.  Feel free to advise me if you had anything like this happen with your children.
Anyway, that's what's going on with the boy.  He seems like such a happy boy to all that see him on a casual basis.  He smiles at people and tries to win them over with his charm.  Then he turns into a little monster at home.  I feel bad saying that about my own child, but it's true!
I just keep remembering that sweet little baby who slept all the time and never made a fuss...where did that baby go?

Complete

I love my kids with all my heart.  I always knew I wanted children but had no idea how happy they could make me.
But my hands are full.  It seems like there is always someone crying or needing me for something.  I am sitting here in a quiet house right now, but that's only because it is 1 a.m. and I am sacrificing sleep to do one of the things that I love to do...write.
Some days, I feel like I have lost myself completely.  I don't make time for myself very often.  In fact, it's really just once a month when I go to book club.  To be fair, I have gone to the temple, or to the grocery store by myself at night.  Mike and I have even been on a few dates without kids, but book club is just for me.  That's my completely selfish time to sit and laugh (and sometimes cry) with friends for hours.  Sometimes I feel guilty as I walk out the door leaving Mike with the chaos of the bed time routine, but I still go.
The point in saying all of this is that I want to try and communicate some of the feelings that I have about my kids and feeling like our family is complete.  I am barely keeping my head above water with the cute kids that I have, yet I find myself looking at brand new babies and I want to add another to our pile.  I thought when I had Jason that those feelings of craving another baby would go away.  The doctor said I was done...Mike said I was done.  Heck, I said I was done!  My hands are full (as I stated earlier), so why do I still want more?  Why do I look at the newborn clothes and long for another baby?  I don't have the feelings of finality that I have always wanted.
I suspected that it had something to do with Sam.  Since Sam isn't here with us, I think I will always feel incomplete.  I have voiced those feelings before, but I haven't ever really been sure.  Now I am sure.  We went to tithing settlement and they gave us a copy of our church records.  I looked through the pages to make sure things were all right and I saw this on Mike's paper...

ALL the children of Schwab, Michael.  Looking at those names on that paper made me feel complete.  It was such a strange feeling.  I know it might sound silly, but I think I needed that.  Now I know I'm not absolutely insane for looking at babies in church on Sundays with longing, even as I wrestle with two of them on my own church bench.  It isn't more babies that I am longing for.  Just the one that I didn't get to keep here on earth for very long.  Our family is complete.  I have been blessed to be able to have 5 beautiful babies.  We are complete...on paper.  And one day, we'll all be complete in heaven.

So, I guess I'll just have to look forward to holding my brother's baby in May, and then my sister in law's baby a few weeks later.  I'll become one of those ladies who held onto my sweet babies and breathed in their sweet baby smell and sighed with envy.  I'll try and ignore those feelings of wanting more and give voice to what it really is...a longing for Sam and looking forward to being complete in heaven.

And, speaking of longing...

Seeing those names on the paper together made me smile too.  I was born of goodly parents and I am so grateful for the love that they have shown me over the years and for the things I was taught.  I wish my mom could hang out with my dad every day here on earth, but since she can't, I sure am grateful that they will have eternity.

Bear

Jake earned his wolf award in cub scouts and is now a bear!  I didn't know that you had to finish the wolf requirements and anything more was elective, so we worked on the whole book.  He ended up with 8 arrow points and 4 beads.  How's that for over achieving?  Now that I know my way around the program a little better, I feel a little foolish, but he is totally excited about all the those arrows.  Good job buddy!

30 Minutes

Nate gets a little bit easier each day (just in time for Jason to get harder each day).  He watches shows now (Cars and Cars 2 are his favorites), and he plays the ipad.  He also lost interest in some of the messes that he used to make each day.  He doesn't go outside without telling me, and he is even good to tell me if Jason is being naughty, so that helps.  :)

He is a stubborn boy though, and he doesn't nap anymore.  So when he wants something (like candy from the locked "tandy door") he is hard to distract.

On this day, I had just finished cleaning the sink and he wanted to snack on treats, so I decided to let him play with a funnel and some soapy water.  It worked to distract him for a long time.  I love discovering things like that.  

Climbing

Jason is a climber.  He loves to climb on things and then look to me for my shocked reaction.  Then he can hardly contain his glee while he wiggles and giggles, waiting for me to pull him down.  Then he just climbs back up again.  He has fallen from things (including the kitchen table) and it doesn't seem to phase him for long.  I think I am in for it with these two younger boys of mine.  

What am I saying?  I've been knee deep for months now.  These crazy boys run circles around me.  But they are both really cute while they run.