Empty arms, full heart

This week I have felt like there is something missing. My arms are empty and I feel like I should be doing something to take care of someone. I will miss my sweet Sam forever.
Today, we needed to get out. We went for a drive up Logan Canyon. We ended up at Tony’s Grove Lake. It was a beautiful day. I couldn’t help but sing “My Heavenly Father Loves Me” through my head all day. It was just such a perfect day. The kids tossed rocks in the lake, slipped around in the mud, made a mess of their clothes, and had a great time. I still have my new perspective. It’s like my eyes are opened a little wider and I can see all the things my Father in Heaven has blessed me with. The beauty of the earth is just a little more beautiful to me. My kids are just a little sweeter to me. My arms are empty, but my heart is full.
Today Allie kept finding “gold” and filling my pockets full of it. They were pebbles off the path and it weighted my skirt down considerably, but it was so cute. “Mom! More gold!”


She got the happiest look on her face when she found the perfect stick for a sword. She giggled when she tossed rocks in that made a big splash. I loved her clumsy walk as she struggled to walk over the rocks without falling in the lake. She didn’t succeed in coming home dry. I think the thing I loved the most today was her small hand in mine as we walked along the trail. Why haven’t I noticed how much I love that little hand in mine before?
Jake found a snake and had no fear in catching it and playing with it for a half hour. He doesn’t like to pose for pictures anymore, but the proud look on his face couldn’t be wiped away when the camera came out.

He found great joy in tossing big rocks in the lake and making bigger splashes. He fished with Mike and reeled in his hook with no luck, but he didn’t care. He was having a great time.

He told me that it was the best day ever. He asked if we could come back all the time. I loved watching him walk the path with the fishing pole, trying not to get the line stuck in the trees. He took Allie by the hand and helped her walk across the parking lot. They are so cute together.
I feel the loss and the missing piece in our earthly family puzzle, but I know that in reality we are complete, just separated for a while. Days like today make me wish that Sam could be here. We really do have some fun together as a family. Who wouldn’t want to be here with us?

The day didn't stay all peaches and cream forever. When we got home, Jake took off on his bike without telling us where he was going and the bike ended up being grounded for a few days. Jake couldn’t get over it. He sat on the front porch and cried for an hour and a half. “You made this the worst day ever!” “All the love is out of my heart.” All kinds of things meant for mean parents who discipline for bad behavior. Allie didn’t want to go to bed tonight, so she cried and cried. I have had to take deep breaths and say "serenity now" a few times, but overall, it was a great day. I hope I can continue to see things through this clearer lens, even if it means I will feel the emptiness more clearly too. I know Heavenly Father loves me...