Sam

There isn't much to say about Sam, but how can I talk about each member of our family without talking about him too?
Every once in a while I wonder if I thought about Sam that day.  I don't really want a day to go by without having some thought of him and I am glad to say that it doesn't.  Most of the time, it is just a thought because I am thinking about the other kids and his name pops into my mind along with all of them.
Other times it is because one of the kids mentions him.  Today in the car, on the way to school, they were talking about eye color.  They were listing all the colors in our family and Jake said "Sam has blue.  I know he has blue.  Even though we didn't see him much.  I know he has blue."  I liked that.
Then, as I was helping Nate say his prayers later that night, we started to list all the kids in our prayer.  I said "please bless Jake" and he said "Jake", then it was "please bless Allie" and he said "Allie".  Then I said "bless Nate" and he paused a second and said "Sam" and we moved on to Jason.  He was wondering why I would have told him to bless himself, so he said Sam instead.  I smiled at that one too.
So, there are several times a day when I think of Sam.  Then there are my temple visits.  I have been going without Mike because it's just easier to do it that way and juggle the kids.  We go together sometimes too, but going separately has been working for now.  Anyway, I have a "Sam's Songs" playlist on my ipod and I drive to Logan listening to that.  Sometimes I cry, but most of the time I just feel peace and joy as I think of the amazing spirit that is mine forever.  One of my favorite songs to listen to on that list is Tracy Chapman's The Promise.  Here are the lyrics if you don't know it...

The Promise 

If you wait for me
then I'll come for you
Although I've traveled far
I always hold a place for you in my heart

If you think of me
If you miss me once in awhile
Then I'll return to you
I'll return and fill that space in your heart

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
If you'll be waiting

If you dream of me
Like I dream of you
In a place that's warm and dark
In a place where I can feel the beating of your heart

I've longed for you
And I have desired
To see your face your smile
To be with you wherever you are

Together again
It would feel so good to be
In your arms
Where all my journeys end
If you can make a promise
If it's one that you can keep
I vow to come for you
If you wait for me

And say you'll hold
A place for me
In your heart

Not all of the words work for us (me and Sam) completely, but they work enough.  Most of all, for me, it's a reminder that I need to do all that I can in this life so that I can return to heaven and be reunited with him again.  He is there waiting for me.  I will make sure I get there too.

 I'm also glad I have these other kids to squeeze and kiss any time I want to.

I still love our Sam bear.

I noticed that Jake was holding the bear on his knee and told him he didn't need to put it in such an obvious spot, just to let it be in the picture.  So, then he put it down on his lap and Nate put his arm around the bear just like he does Jason on our wheeler rides.  I love it.