At the Car Wash

Back when the warm sun was still shining, Nate left the house and this is where I found him...

 

 

Cantaloupe

"Cantaloupe makes me happy!"

 

"and sad...so sad"

 

Homework

It's been a tough year for homework.  Jake hasn't ever needed my help before and suddenly this year he does.  It's not fun for either of us...

 

 This is Jake pouting, in case you wanted to know.  I was taking pictures instead of getting angry myself.  I thought that was better for both of us.

Allie is getting better and better at reading and is so excited about it.  Most of the time she reads her books to Mike.  Not gonna lie, sometimes reading time makes me a bit crazy so I'm glad Mike listens.  I am absolutley on board with it when it's just me and Allie.  Instead, it is me listening to Jake practice piano, Allie read, Nate scream, and Jason crying.  My nerves can't take it.  So I send her to read to Mike.  Homework time is not my favorite...can you tell?

Conversation in the Car

The scene:
Our neighbors are getting a new camp trailer.  Allie has been excitedly talking to me about it for weeks.  In her talking, she has mentioned that the new trailer will have a tree.  Quite frequently I can be blamed for only half listening to her (bad mom!), so I didn't really let these details sink in.  She has mused and wondered about this tree for days and days.  One time, I said "well, is it just a fake tree that stands in the corner?" (thinking that I couldn't imagine it lasting very long if Heidi had anything to do with it.  I just couldn't imagine her hanging onto a fake tree in her trailer.)  Allie wasn't sure if it was fake but said she thought it was a palm tree.  So, that's the long part of the story...here's the conversation...

Allie:  Does Lily have her trailer yet?
Me: No.  But I know Heidi went to look at it yesterday.
Allie: So Lily hasn't seen it yet?
Me: No.
Allie:  I can't wait to see it.  I am so excited.
Me: (okay?...)
Allie:  I wonder how they got a tree in there.
Me: What is it about this tree?  Why do you think there is a tree in the trailer?
Allie:  I don't know.  That's just what Lily told me.  She said there was a tree right in the middle of the kitchen.
Me:  (suddenly something falls into place in my mind.  Heidi had just told me that the trailer has 2 slide outs so the kitchen sink is in an island right in the middle.)  Allie, do you think that Lily might have meant that there is an island in her trailer?
Allie: Yeah.  An island with a palm tree.  How do you think they got that in her trailer?  I can't wait to see it.

...the rest of the conversation followed with me explaining about a kitchen island.  Not nearly as exciting as an island with palm trees, but something that is much easier to haul around behind a truck.

Jason

Well, as you know from the 11 month post, our sweet boy Jason is just growing and changing every day.  He is quick to smile and I find that as much as I look forward to putting him down for a nap (so I can get a break!), I love getting him out of bed even more.  By then, I have recovered enough that I love to open the door and see his excited flapping arms welcoming me into his room.  He is so cute!
Jason loves to be outside exploring.  It is rare to hear him cry or throw fits when he is outside playing.  That's great, but also leaves me fearing winter.  We'll have to figure something out for sure.
Jason loves music.  He does a cute little upper body dance when the music is on.  He likes to reach up and play the piano keys or bang on pots like drums.
He really likes to be held, so I put him in the back pack a lot.  The problem with that is the hair.  He yanks my hair so hard sometimes that it brings tears to my eyes.  It becomes a game and then there's just no getting around it.  He has pulled out chunks of hair from all of us, except Jake, and that's only because he can't hold on to the short hair to get a chunk.  I feel bad for Nate sometimes because Jason makes a beeline for his hair if he is laying on the floor playing.  On the other hand, Jason has been sat on so many times by Nate that I almost cheer him on when he does the only thing he knows how to do to defend himself.
Jason is very observant.  I know it's just the age, but he watches my mouth as I form words and I can see him trying to imitate.  He likes to click his tongue and blow raspberries.  He'll do a handful of tricks on demand.
Over the last few weeks, I have been reminded of last year.  I remember climbing the ladder to get pears and then canning the pears.  I remember canning grape juice and chicken just before he was born.  As hard as it is to do those things with him climbing up my leg begging to be held, he's so much better out of my belly than in :)
I remember walking past baby clothes at the store and wondering if I'd get a girl or a boy.  It's always amazing to me how the real thing is always so much more than I could have ever imagined.  Having Jason in our family is so much better than I could have ever imagined.  We all love to squish his little belly rolls or squeeze his chunky thighs and he doesn't seem to mind.  We all love this boy so much!
So, here he is...

He makes this face when you say "cheese!"

Nate

This boy has been cracking me up lately.  He isn't as recklessly crazy as he used to be and I can trust him more and more.  He can go out in the yard by himself, and even though he disappears, I know the 2 or 3 places he is likely to be.  Number one, it's the Baltzer's asking for a popsicle.  They fed the bear one day in the summer and he's been a repeat stalker ever since.  They can be out of town for a few days and when they pull up, Nate is the first one to welcome them home and ask for a popsicle.  If they aren't home, he plays in their water barrel for a while and then moves the placement of their ceramic squirrels in their back yard. 
He searches out "noot nacks" at the neighbor's house across the street.  If he sees any member of their family out, he is over there visiting.
The other place is across the river bed and in the neighbor's play house.  That one is rare and a last resort option.  He usually only goes there following the voices of playing children.
He likes to roar his motorcycles in dirt patches and there are a few favorite patches in our yard. 
The best thing about his outdoor adventures is that every few minutes when I call out to him, I say "Nate...say 'here I am'".  I wait a second and hear "Here I am Mom! At Baltzer's ard (yard)."  Or, "Here I am Mom! At our hose.  Jus playin wif the water Mom."
I love it.
Another thing that makes me laugh is at church.  Nate loves Sundays.  When he sees either Mike or me dressed up, he asks if we are going to the temple, or church.  If it's church, he says "oh!  Let me go get my church shoes...I play with Max." He's the nursery leader and Nate is a happy nursery attendant. 
He is getting better and better as we sit in Sacrament meeting.  He used to try and run laps.  He got all the way to the Bishop one week and I about died of shame.
Anyway, when the bread and water comes by, he perks up and settles in for "wunch" (lunch).  He grabs a whole handful of bread.  I know you are wondering why he is even allowed to reach out for the bread, and believe me, I try not to let him.  But he has a really loud scream and it just seems easier that way.  So, he grabs a whole lot of bread the first time it passes in front of him and then as it is going back across him (after going to the others on our bench) he says "want more Mom.  Want more" and he tries to get more.  The water goes just about the same.  He gets one cup as it passes by him.  Then after Allie and Jake get theirs and the tray is passing him again, he returns the used cup and gets another for the road.
I always love how that tiny sip of water is enough to choke him and Jason.  They spend a few seconds coughing and spluttering after taking their sips.
I could tell a million Nate stories because he is the kid I spend the most time with.  Jake and Allie spend so much time at school and outside playing, and Jason sleeps more than Nate.  So we get a lot of time together and I love it.  He's a good boy and he makes me smile.  I'm so glad he's mine.

Sam

There isn't much to say about Sam, but how can I talk about each member of our family without talking about him too?
Every once in a while I wonder if I thought about Sam that day.  I don't really want a day to go by without having some thought of him and I am glad to say that it doesn't.  Most of the time, it is just a thought because I am thinking about the other kids and his name pops into my mind along with all of them.
Other times it is because one of the kids mentions him.  Today in the car, on the way to school, they were talking about eye color.  They were listing all the colors in our family and Jake said "Sam has blue.  I know he has blue.  Even though we didn't see him much.  I know he has blue."  I liked that.
Then, as I was helping Nate say his prayers later that night, we started to list all the kids in our prayer.  I said "please bless Jake" and he said "Jake", then it was "please bless Allie" and he said "Allie".  Then I said "bless Nate" and he paused a second and said "Sam" and we moved on to Jason.  He was wondering why I would have told him to bless himself, so he said Sam instead.  I smiled at that one too.
So, there are several times a day when I think of Sam.  Then there are my temple visits.  I have been going without Mike because it's just easier to do it that way and juggle the kids.  We go together sometimes too, but going separately has been working for now.  Anyway, I have a "Sam's Songs" playlist on my ipod and I drive to Logan listening to that.  Sometimes I cry, but most of the time I just feel peace and joy as I think of the amazing spirit that is mine forever.  One of my favorite songs to listen to on that list is Tracy Chapman's The Promise.  Here are the lyrics if you don't know it...

The Promise 

If you wait for me
then I'll come for you
Although I've traveled far
I always hold a place for you in my heart

If you think of me
If you miss me once in awhile
Then I'll return to you
I'll return and fill that space in your heart

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
If you'll be waiting

If you dream of me
Like I dream of you
In a place that's warm and dark
In a place where I can feel the beating of your heart

I've longed for you
And I have desired
To see your face your smile
To be with you wherever you are

Together again
It would feel so good to be
In your arms
Where all my journeys end
If you can make a promise
If it's one that you can keep
I vow to come for you
If you wait for me

And say you'll hold
A place for me
In your heart

Not all of the words work for us (me and Sam) completely, but they work enough.  Most of all, for me, it's a reminder that I need to do all that I can in this life so that I can return to heaven and be reunited with him again.  He is there waiting for me.  I will make sure I get there too.

 I'm also glad I have these other kids to squeeze and kiss any time I want to.

I still love our Sam bear.

I noticed that Jake was holding the bear on his knee and told him he didn't need to put it in such an obvious spot, just to let it be in the picture.  So, then he put it down on his lap and Nate put his arm around the bear just like he does Jason on our wheeler rides.  I love it.

Allie

I say it a million times that I don't know what I'd do without my Allie girl.  She is mine forever and I am so grateful.

Allie is loving first grade.  She likes her teacher and comes home with more details of her day than I got from Jake in 3 years worth of school.  

She likes to be different, but she is also terrified of being different.  Does that make any sense at all?  Here's an example.  We took her to get her eyes checked out at the beginning of the school year because she hasn't done well on the eye exams at her well child check ups for years.  She was so excited at the prospect of getting glasses that she told all her friends that she had to go to the eye doctor and would be getting glasses.  It turns out that her vision isn't bad enough to need glasses right now, so we were sent on our merry way.  I was thrilled because I knew she wouldn't want glasses about a week into wearing them and I was glad she could avoid them for at least a few years.  Allie was totally bummed.  Now she tells everyone that she will just get them in a few years.  She wants something to set her apart.  But here's the part where she's afraid of being different.  The girl loves stroganoff.  It's her favorite meal.  She wanted to put it down as her favorite meal when she fills out the "all about me" forms that come home from school, but she doesn't want people to make fun of her for it, so she puts the standard "pizza or Ramen noodles" just like everyone else.

She is in dance right now and is constantly doing cartwheels and flips in the house.  I have taught her how to do back bends off of the stairs and all sorts of things that I used to love doing.  She's always so amazed that I did some of the same things she likes to do.  Now I'm just mom.

She is such a great helper at home.  Jason and Nate both love to see her when she gets home from school.  Nate runs into her arms and gives her a hug and Jason sits and flaps his arms waiting for her to acknowledge him.  She is just as excited to see them.

Mike calls her "messy Marvin" because she is always making huge messes.  She likes to play dolls, barbies, Polly Pockets, and make brews in the yard.  All of these things get done with such a production that the mess is spread far and wide.  We try and make her clean things up, but the next day, it's the same story.  I guess it's good that she is having fun, but man...

I could go on and on, but I'll just end with her pictures and the words that I think of almost every day.  I am so glad she's mine.  This amazing girl is mine!

Jake

I decided to give a little update on each of the kids.  I try to keep a journal for them, but haven't written in that for a while, so I'll do it now.
Jake is almost 9 now.  He's in flag football, piano, and cub scouts.  The times that he isn't at one of those activities, he is out playing with Carson.  They have a hut that they have been working on "for 2 years now".  They are digging out the hill little by little and find scraps of wood to add to it now and then.  They make jumps for their bikes and spend a lot of time creating their own entertainment.  Tonight he said, "I like moths, so I won't be throwing one of them in a spider's web."
I said, "you throw things into spider's webs?"
He said, "yeah.  Just things like box elder bugs and stuff."
I already knew that he loves to catch grass hoppers.  He knows a way to hold them that makes them immobile.  They are probably frozen in terror, so I always make him put them down if I catch him playing with one.  I guess it's just a boy thing.

It's fun to watch him play football.  He has pulled a few flags, but he is big so he spends most of the game blocking.  What's fun to see though, is the complete joy he has when his team scores a touchdown or if someone has a great run.  He is a team player for sure.
He still loves to read and I find him reading in his room when he was supposed to just run in there for a pair of socks before school. 
He can't focus on anything if there is a tv in the room.  So although he can power through breakfast and getting ready for school before Allie, if the tv is on, all that comes to an abrupt halt. 
He likes watching Wild Krats and has been watching a lot of football with Mike.
He is willing to eat any meal if there is a promise of a treat after.  He loves chocolate, brownies, or any dessert.
He walks in the door each day with the report that today was "awesome".  He is grateful for the lunches that I pack and tells me that I make good bread.  I guess that makes up for it when he sits and stares at his dinner for an hour and then dry heaves when he takes a bite.  There are very few dinners that make him happy.  Nachos, grilled cheese, or when we have breakfast for dinner are some of his favorites.
He has piano early in the morning on Tuesdays.  I made scrambled eggs for him once or twice when he got back from piano and then as I was chatting with his teacher once, she said "Jake tells me that you make the best scrambled eggs for him when he gets done with piano."  We laughed about it, but it is pretty set in stone now that he gets scrambled eggs on Tuesdays.

We were on the way to football once and we were late.  He said "we haven't ever been on time to football yet."
I was frustrated that we were late and said, "I know.  I'm sorry that we are always so late.  Maybe if you had a different mom you wouldn't be late every time." 
He said, "it's not you Mom.  It's all of us kids.  You are always trying to get us out the door, but there are just too many of us to be on time".
I had to laugh at that one for a long time.

Jake is a good kid and always tries to do what is right.  He forgives easily and I am grateful for that.  He is a good example for the others to follow.  I love that sweet boy of mine.

Pictures!

It was picture time again and I was dreading it a bit.  Last year was such a joke, so it made it all the more sweet that this year was a piece of cake.  These kids were awesome and I love the pictures.  I have over 200 to go through and edit, but here are a few that I liked.

Those kids of mine sure are good.  I love our little family!