Changes

I am in a new phase of life. It's strange. It seems like yesterday that Jake was in my arms needing everything from me. It seems like yesterday that Allie was born and added to the things that need attention from me. This summer has been so strange. I put away the sippy cups (I know I hung on to them way too long, but my friend Allie has been challenged in the "try not to spill" department and they were just easier in the mornings than spilled milk). I put away some of the baby books that weren't getting read anymore. I put away the baby swing that has hung on our swing set for years. We just didn't need that stuff anymore. A huge part of me was sad about that. I am constantly saying that I am glad that my kids are learning and progressing, but there is that little part that gets sad twinges to think that the things that I love so much about them are changing too. Allie lost her baby face and has turned into a stretched out grown girl. Jake is leaving the toddler sizes of clothes in the dust.
I used to sit outside and hover over the kids digging rocks and sand out of Allie's mouth or rescuing Jake from climbing so high on the hill that he couldn't get down. I had to keep them out of the road and chase down the balls that got away. I had to solve fights (that usually resulted in a bite from Allie) or chase down a child going past boundaries. Outside time wasn't relaxing or easy. But it was my life. I changed diaper after diaper and cleaned up the same box of toys day after day. We read board books and looked forward to nap time. But it was my life.
Now things are so different. I wandered around feeling quite lost at the beginning of the summer. The kids went out to play and they stayed where they said they would. They played nicely with their friends and only came to me when they wanted an Otter Pop. I have even snuck naps while the kids were out playing.
They can dress themselves, wash their own sticky hands, "clean" up their own messes. They can get a drink of water on their own and track down the toy they lost after lunch. What do they need me for? It's so strange.
Now this week comes the biggest change of all. Jake is starting kindergarten. Yes, he has gone to two years of pre-school, but that didn't seem like such a big change. Now he is going to be riding the bus with kids in 5th grade! He's going, every day of the week, to be with a teacher who will know an entirely different Jake than I know. She will know the boy who is there to learn. She will teach him things that I can't teach him. She will be something to him that I will never be. He will have a life that has little or nothing to do with me. It's so strange.
I look forward to it for him. I want him to have these experiences and learn new things. I just can't believe that this is my new life. My life has gone beyond doing everything for my little boy. He is his own person and he will be doing his own thing, making his own memories and creating a life for himself. I am happy about that. It doesn't mean that I won't mourn the changes that are coming to my life.
I guess I didn't stay little forever and I know my mom doesn't cry about it daily, so I better just buck up and join the world of school age kid moms...and love it.